Failure of the "Pledge"

The buzz over the last couple days has been about a study that concluded that virginity pledges don't seem to have an impact about whether teens-actually engage in pre-marital sex. This was a very sad result in and of itself but it is especially saddening that many are using this as ammunition to say since this method doesn't work, let's quit focusing on preventing teen-sex and restrict ourselves to teaching about birth control and sexual assault prevention.

I responded to a comment (seen below) along these lines that appeared in US News and World report.

The only "pledge" worth having or doing is this. It's for and done by the young boy to the young girl intimately, repeated over and over (perhaps with different girls) until marriage.

I love being intimate with you. I love hand-holding. I love kissing you. I love holding you. And I PROMISE I WILL NOT TRY TO TAKE OUR INTIMACY TO ANY LEVEL THAT WOULD HURT YOU, MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE OR MAKE YOU REGRETFUL OF WHAT WE DID. I PROMISE.

-USN

The problem I see with the first comment on this page is that it only addresses part of the issue. I don't mean to be dismissive of it because it raises an important point but it is incomplete. It doesn't address the procreative aspect of sexuality or the broader impact private sexual decisions have on society at large. Most discussions about sex education programs only address the prevention of sexual assault, pregnancies and disease. These are important but not sufficient.

People who routinely engage in pre-marital sex with multiple partners have a harder time (in general) forming the kind of stable partnerships that are best environment for raising children. For example, studies show couples that cohabitate before marriage have dramatically higher divorce rates. Divorce has a huge impact on the emotional health, economic well-being and social development of children. Because society at large bears many of the consequences of failed marriages and single parenthood, we have a vested interest in promoting the institution of marriage and in doing all we can to encourage teens to wait until marriage for sexual intimacy . If this study is used to further the notion that it is impossible the diminish the percentage of teenagers that engage in teen-sex we are on a dangerous path. If pledges don't work then we should look at some of the points in this article and seriously consider what can be done. Disease and un-wanted pregnancy are not the only risks of pre-marital sex. The risk of extra-marital sex poses to the stability of family units is another factor to be taken into account.

A little levity

This protest received less media attention but a lot more laughs.

How I felt after the Proposition 8 passage.

I thought I was going to feel a lot better than I did. When prop 8 passed, there was a sense of relief but not the big catharsis I was expecting. I liked this blog post that closely mirrored my feelings at the time. (prop 8 aftermath) While I was relieved because I feared the legal and social repercussions of not passing prop 8, I felt sad for many people on the other side. As the protests began my feelings morphed into apprehension, frustration and unfortunately some anger.

The days after the proposition passed felt kind of tense. The helicopters covering the protests around the temple always made me feel uneasy and I had periods of insomnia off and on for a week. I got together with friends that had worked on prop 8 and it seemed like this wasn't uncommon.

I never saw the big protests but I went to a temple session on a week day and saw about 50 people waving signs. It wasn't a lot but it was disconcerting to see the "VILE MORMONS" sign next the signs saying "End Discrimination". Apparently the many people honking as they passed the protest didn't see the paradox. The temple gate was guarded and they checked every car that went in. I saw multiple police vehicles on the temple property. I can't say that I have felt like I was the target of persecution, unless you count non-specific derisive comments about prop-8 supporters in general. On the other hand, I do know people that have been targeting individual level. One person got the silent treatment at work for a day, despite never having brought up politics in work place. That didn't make the news but I also know the lady that was the target of the el coyote restaurant protests$100 donation. This was one was especially troubling because she is one of the nicest people you will ever meet. She is a former Relief Society president, which means she is the type of person that volunteers her time to clothing and feeding the poor. She is the last person you would accuse of being hateful.

As I read more articles of black listed Mormons, I kept asking myself at what point would people stop seeing this as a civil rights movement and more like McCarthyism. I took a look at one of those lists and saw the names of many people I knew. Those names I recognized were people that I highly admired. I can't understand why anyone that had actually met those people could hold them in anything but the highest regard.

I read an article in the LA times that expressed the frustration I have felt in the post-prop 8 backlash. This op-ed piece Jonah Goldberg titled "An ugly attack on Mormons" made all the points that I wanted to. I highly recommend it.